This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: November 1, 2019
October 26
Imagine. She's got her Avengers candy bag. She's dressed up as The Wasp for Halloween, escorted by her father, Paul Rudd, who played Ant-Man, in the actual blockbuster film, Ant-Man and the Wasp.
β Garrett Gilchrist (@TygerbugGarrett) October 27, 2019
But he's decided to go as Weird Al Yankovic pic.twitter.com/cV08EtIGye
What the fuck π€―pic.twitter.com/pTduTokwOF
β Theo Shantonasπ (@TShantonas) October 26, 2019
Josh Hart can make a career off reaction vids pic.twitter.com/DXHGWv5HmS
β Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) October 27, 2019
Somewhere, a white person is planning a costume for tonight that's gonna fuck up their whole future. π
β Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) October 26, 2019
Just overheard a conversation between my two kids. They're arguing about who ate the cupcakes I just bought yesterday...
β Stacie (@h8Wankmaggot45) October 26, 2019
Z: You ate them. I saw you.
B: No, I did not!
Z: Yes, you did. I watched you do it.. You're acting like a Trump supporter right now.
My work here is done.
October 27
oh man pic.twitter.com/l6soBpZNGm
β talia jane, boy genius (@itsa_talia) October 27, 2019
Β
Peace was never an option. pic.twitter.com/Gg5pE2s6uZ
β Klara SjΓΆberg (@klara_sjo) October 27, 2019
Β
LET HIM COOK https://t.co/QcztK1pXe1
β browngirl fan account (@BeenServin) October 27, 2019
Me: *gets a snack*
β ππͺπ¬π’βγ (@stfumikaa) October 27, 2019
My dog: pic.twitter.com/QDNmqUuFtZ
I was Babe-raham Lincoln at a Halloween party and traumatized everyone there, God bless America. pic.twitter.com/jw281JXM6j
β Casey (@Muirin007) October 27, 2019
So this just happened in the middle of the nats game. @Nationals pic.twitter.com/4MOij35smB
β Malz Agner (@malz_agner) October 28, 2019
This Trump supporter, who went viral because of this absurd video calling on immigrants to "respect our laws," has been...arrested for identity theft. pic.twitter.com/szvxCOO3KX
β Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) October 27, 2019
October 28
I'm crying πππ pic.twitter.com/4Aci1IXdvs
β Anthony T Anderson (@countryyant) October 28, 2019
incredible pic.twitter.com/ncMbtHZGyT
β tyler j. benzos (@walletcheck) October 28, 2019
people are acting like sporting events are full of libs but if I don't take my hat off during the anthem some guy from Staten Island will without hesitation threaten me with murder
β Law Boy, Esq. (@The_Law_Boy) October 28, 2019
Still the greatest thing on the internet.... pic.twitter.com/wmWAb7rrHF
β Dogs are the best people (@_TheBestDogs) October 28, 2019
This guy is ready for whatever Disneyland will throw at him pic.twitter.com/ZawaczjFax
β no more mr wife guy (@TheSocietyDude) October 28, 2019
Netflix: Should I play this movie?
β Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 28, 2019
Me: No no I'm just looking at it for a second
Netflix: I'll put it on
Me: I'm just literally reading what it is
Netflix: It's playing :)
October 29
Super villain in the making pic.twitter.com/vDVdmnyjKY
β viralvideos (@BestVideosviral) October 29, 2019
What Americans don't know you put Halloween candy in the bag the kid is carrying and not on top of their head? They're like robots trying to mimic humans.
β Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) October 29, 2019
pic.twitter.com/3gv50msCLT
BOOMERS: "Millennials don't work hard enough"
β Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 29, 2019
ALSO BOOMERS: "Why aren't millennials taking three hour lunches and then coming back to work hammered?" https://t.co/XkWtHVPZYT
October 30
My Uber driver is too busy transcending time and space to pick me up pic.twitter.com/joozggJ3Xn
β Clout-Rowe (@ShankRowe) October 30, 2019
ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 01: so they just bake?
β Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) October 30, 2019
ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 10: alice better mind the claggy weather if she's to produce a biscuit with a proper snap after disappointing paul with an garish proof on her loa
My girlfriend said we should each pick a "hall pass", just in case we ever met that person. I chose Kate Upton and she chose her roommate Connor
β nick (@nickturani) October 30, 2019
hey people who get offended by jokes no one fucking likes you
β Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) October 30, 2019
Apparently Jeffrey Epstein's murder was a homicide
β Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) October 30, 2019
If in 2008, the year of barack obama & 808s & heartbreak, you had told me that in 2019 donald trump would be president & kanye west would be making christian rap, i woulda walked into the ocean without stopping
β dr. dalia malek β₯π (@DALIA) October 30, 2019
October 31
How can psychology majors be depressed...like bro just look at your notes
β Usmooveπ³π¬ (@uche_ballislife) October 31, 2019
This is for real how my mom is pic.twitter.com/cMovlt8SfT
β π² (@Zeluhs_) October 31, 2019
I just want everyone to know that my two-year old insisted on being "pants" for Halloween... pic.twitter.com/ONR7K4AxnY
β Jeffrey Bien (@jungleland) October 31, 2019
McRib stands for "My Chemical Romance Is Back"
β Exit 114 (@exitonefourteen) October 31, 2019
Silica gel pic.twitter.com/SZeuDqBfaM
β pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) October 31, 2019
All ready for tonight :) pic.twitter.com/HHrUl2edRx
β Nathan Hare (@nathanharenice) October 31, 2019
all you need for a winnie the pooh costume is a red tshirt and courage
β BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) October 31, 2019
It's spooky szn out here, be careful pic.twitter.com/P0JYTTFg4m
β Dare Cortez π» (@BCortezEA) October 31, 2019
watch out now pic.twitter.com/mKT6exsct1
β Mike Tunison (@xmasape) October 31, 2019
November 1
Halloween. A kid comes to the door with a sign"I love ceilings"
β Colin Mochrie (@colinmochrie) November 1, 2019
What are you?
A Ceiling Fan.
Gave him all the candy.
Well it's official: that name is RUINED https://t.co/1Fsf0pDxMz
β martiΓ± urbano (@MartinUrbano) November 1, 2019
I hope Rage Against The Machine have a new song where they're mad about all the different streaming services.
β Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) November 1, 2019
Flight attendant: Trumpet or sax?
β Branford Marsalis (@bmarsalis) November 1, 2019
Me: Sax
FA: So you trying to be a Kenny G. I sure wish I could.
Me: Yeah. That's one way to look at it.
I'm at LAX and they just paged for a "Buster Zoink" and I'm going to miss my flight waiting to see what this guy looks like
β Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) November 1, 2019
Your annual reminder that Don Jr. is just a knockoff Ellis from Die Hard. pic.twitter.com/PC45YqrTHJ
β The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 1, 2019
The Ballbonic Plague
β Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) November 1, 2019
One of the best ever. Game over, two-second shot/game clock differential...@joshhart waits for rookie Jaxson Hayes to finish dapping up opponents, makes him hold the ball at last second and take the turnover.
Hart walks off screen, Jaxson not happy.
RIP pic.twitter.com/AvjLQbqwj1